Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
