remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
