worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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