I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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