He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
