i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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