threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
