at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
