I think i peed on brittanys purse
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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