Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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