well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is Oprah even human
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
