If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
