What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She needs sedatives and a leash
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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