I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
