He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
