she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
