i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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