Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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