How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
