Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
