You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
