it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
