you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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