so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
