some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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