Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize