youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
