dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
