and you said cock pushups were impossible
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
