It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
