At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
