dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
