My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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