All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
