I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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