He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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