I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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