Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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