i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
