How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
