I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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