tonight lets celebrate not being married
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
