I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
