You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
