She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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