Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
