I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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