Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
