Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
