i think my mom watched the whole time
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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