Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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