I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
