Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
