ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
