Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
