There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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