Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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