you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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