Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no you cant smoke seaweed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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