Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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