im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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