phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
