I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize