Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
