Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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