Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
