I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
