She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am one with the molecules
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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