mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
