Christians are straight up FREAKS
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
