There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
