Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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