who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
