i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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