you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
