I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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