you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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