is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
