how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
