My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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