we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
