she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
