He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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