i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
