her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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