My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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