It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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