I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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