My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
