her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize