Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
