I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
