He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
