i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
