you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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